Wake-up: 9:15 AM
In 1,515 · Out 2,260 · Net −745 · Protein 46g
(1,860 base + 270 steps + 130 training)
AM — Worked out, then stretched. The back of my left ankle is still really annoying me. It's been aching every single morning since I tried running a couple weeks ago, my first time ever running, and apparently that's all it took. Tried to stretch it out.
Late AM — Showered and blow dried my hair. I love how my hair looks when I blow dry it. It just looks clean and soft and flowy on top. I could look at it all day honestly.
Midday — Target and Whole Foods for the pumpkin pasta ingredients. Target was so annoying. I'm literally mid-question with a store associate and someone just walks up and interrupts. Get a grip. Be courteous, wait your turn. Second time this has happened to me in a couple weeks.
Afternoon — Drove to Oakland because I finally got my license renewed after losing it, and the address on it is my friend's house, which means I could get an Oakland library card. So Libby is back in my life. Sketchy little library in a very shady part of Oakland, but the actual library was cute. And it made me think — one day, when I don't have to figure out money anymore, I'd love to own a little cyber café, or just work somewhere like that.
Drive — Hour to Noe Valley. Talked to my sister on the way. She lost her job so she's looking more seriously now, and she told me about a bachelorette she'd been on. Honestly I was just relieved it was light. Our talks are usually so heavy and explosive.
Evening — Noe Valley with friends I really love and adore. Everyone made their own fall-themed thing, I brought the pumpkin orecchiette. We just talked and caught up and complained about work. I'm addicted to fall. I want to fit as many fall nights as humanly possible into my life. We watched Practical Magic and not everyone loved it, which, fine.
Also evening — Being in my married friends' house, the ache of not having partnership is starting to be really ever-present for me. And then the thing underneath it: if I were with someone, do I even know myself well enough to build a world with them? My life is so functional. I go to work, I do the work, I come home, I watch TV. I want it. I just feel like there's a lot of work to do before I get there.
~Midnight — Drove home to the hotel and zonked out.
What I realized
- Being interrupted mid-sentence isn't a small irritation for me, it's a real thing. Twice in two weeks and both times it stuck with me for hours.
- The version of me I daydream about doesn't have a bigger job. She has a library, or a little café, and no money question hanging over her.
- Relief shouldn't be my baseline reaction to a normal conversation with my sister. The fact that "it was light" is the headline says something.
- I want partnership badly enough that it aches in other people's houses now. That's new, or newly admitted.
- I keep calling my life functional like it's a diagnosis. I'm not sure yet if that's true or just how I talk about myself.
Debt paid: 745 / 262,500 — 0.28%