Wake-up: ~9:30–10 AM
In 1,510 · Out 2,069 · Net −559 · Protein 44g
~9:30–10 AM — Slow start, and fair enough — I'd landed back from Chicago around 2 AM. Flight actually took off despite the storm, which was a relief. The one lingering annoyance is I'm now going to have to get my brother to FedEx me the laptop I left behind.
Late morning — Took my medication, did a little cleanup, but didn't have much time before heading out to see two old business school friends for brunch. It was pouring outside, so I put on my rain boots and my new Uniqlo jacket — actually loved how it looked. Took the train over, two connections and a 15-minute walk.
Brunch — These are friends I haven't really kept up with, on and off since 2019, never that close. They're in Brazil now, with the perfect little baby. It was nice to see them, but it stirred up that quote that's been sitting with me lately — something about being so busy making a living that I forgot to make a life. I keep landing on the same question: what have I actually accomplished, how am I really different from when I was 25 or 26? It makes me feel like I've wasted time, and a little scared that I'm still doing it.
Also at brunch — Saw someone I used to have the biggest crush on — genuinely sweet, emotional guy. Same old feeling came up: that I could never be the type of woman he'd find attractive, and that I've lost so many chances with men like that. Part of what scares me about becoming a parent is watching my brother be such a checked-out one, when men like this one actually show up and participate. Hard not to wonder if all the good ones are just taken.
Walk back — Took the subway home, felt a little funky on the way.
Afternoon — Got my packages, did more cleaning, had chicken curry for lunch and a chocolate bar.
Evening — Spent it partly tidying (still not done with the place) and partly working through some finance goals — specifically moving my money over to halal funds. Classic Sunday scaries by the end of it, especially dreading work tomorrow with the whole laptop situation hanging over it. Today was what it was. Tough.
What I realized
- The "busy making a living, forgot to make a life" line keeps resurfacing because it's naming something real, not because I'm being dramatic about it.
- My fear about parenting is tangled up with watching my brother's version of it — I project that forward onto myself more than I probably should.
- Old crushes and old friendships both surfaced the same ache today: a sense of time passing without the version of my life I pictured showing up yet.
- Making real progress on the halal funds goal, even on a low day, is proof that "tough" and "productive" aren't mutually exclusive.
Debt paid: 364,209 / 617,750 — 58.95%